Do It Anyway

What a rough week. No joke. I think this is one of the hardest I’ve had in over two and a half years. I felt really lost and like I was stuck in a rut of negativity. It felt like no matter what I did, there was something negative around the corner. I tried so hard to find something positive, to do good deeds, to be thankful. It was hard to do. I have heard this prayer before, and it’s always been one of my favorites, but my sister sent this to me a couple of days ago (when I really needed to see it again) and it reminded me of many things that I had forgotten this week when I had lost focus on what was most important and got lost in things that were not at all important.

Looking back at the week, I felt that I had been deceived, taken advantage of, lied to, criticized, under-appreciated, and people were discouraging the happiness I was trying to create for myself. I felt like I should just stop it all – stop giving my all, stop helping others, stop going out of my way to do things for others, stop being honest – because it seemed like everyone around me was not doing any of it. At the point when I felt like there was no reason to keep giving 110%, the positives starting filtering their way in. I didn’t notice them at first, maybe because I didn’t want to (sometimes it is easier to just be pissed off). A big positive found its way to me, and immediately I knew that my life and the outcome of my life is 100% up to me. It’s up to me to live my life. People will always take advantage of others, lie to people they say they care about, and try and create issues that do not need exist. People like this will always find their way into our lives – but it does not mean that I have to let it change my life.

I always knew my mom was proud and we had a great relationship, but someone delivered affirmation of this this week in the form of a short story about something that probably seemed quite insignificant to them. The story that was shared made my heart feel warm and complete – the fact that my mom was so happy about something so small. The fact that my mom was so proud over something so little made me smile the biggest smile. I couldn’t stay mad. I couldn’t give up. I could, however, make some changes – and I will.

To those who have not been 100% honest with me the past couple of weeks, I will continue to be honest with you and I will continue to treat you with all of the respect each human deserves. I will try to think about the situation you were in that made you feel it was necessary to not be honest with me. I will look at ways to improve myself to be more approachable so that one doesn’t feel as though it is necessary to lie or omit pieces of what is going on. I will pray that someday you share the complete truth with me about the situation and that you are able to find the truth behind the situation.

To those who have shared information with others that was not true – I am going to continue to work hard on creating a beautiful new me and I will not let these untrue words affect this. I will also try my hardest to help you in your quest to finding the beautiful you that you are seeking. I will continue to work on building all those around me up higher by creating the positives we all need in our day to overcome the inevitable negatives that we encounter in our day to day lives. I will do my best to help you find your way.

To those who have not felt as though I have given my all – I will continue working harder and harder every day to do just that – give my all. Give it more than my all, give it 110%. I will look to you for help in ways to continue to grow and become better and better able to give my all.

To those who have forgotten the good that is done for us on a daily basis – I pray that we are able to continue to see the good that is given to us each day and to hold onto this good and use it grow and be inspired to share this good with other who may need it more than we do at that moment. Remember we should all “Be Kind, Everyone is fighter is harder battle.”

And to those of you who have been there for me – sending inspiring words, meeting for coffee to talk about things going on in my life, finding time to meet with me and talk about things that were bothersome, taking the time out of your day to jot down a note to share good words, calling late at night to check in and offer your advice, sharing a seemingly insignificant story – thank you. I will continue to work as hard as I can to live by the words of St. Teresa’s prayer and continue to do as much good and spread this good as far as I am able.

And most importantly – to those people in my life who taught me what was most important in life, thank you. The words my dad share with me on a daily basis building me back up after a particularly rough day. The beautiful memories of my mom give me extra strength to seek out beautiful things in life. Thinking about my incredibly smart and successful sister who has never given up gives me hope that this will be true for me – I WILL find that new me I am eager to find.

An earlier blog mentioned a grand plan for finding the “new me”. This is the first step in finding the new me – acceptance that no matter how hard I try there are always going to be speed bumps and things that can be upsetting. I need to use these times to learn more about myself, what makes me happy, and grow. I knew that this would not be an easy task to overcome, but I think I may be doing ok.

As a result of the past week’s events, I crossed one of the things off my “steps to finding me” list. I told you in an earlier blog that I would be sharing my progress, and I am happy to report that the first item on my list has been checked off, and I start something that I’ve always wanted to do on October 4, 2012. I couldn’t be happier. The way things fell into place in order to make this a possibility gives me faith that there are many more beautiful things in store for me in the near future – they just might not be what I had originally thought they were. And this is fine. I’m okay with giving up some of those hopes for these hopes.

 

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered.

Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.

Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies.

Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you.

Be honest and sincere anyway.

What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight.

Create anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous.

Be happy anyway.

The good you do today will often be forgotten.

Do good anyway.

Give the best you have, and it will never be enough.

Give your best anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them.

 ~ Mother Teresa