Making Mom Proud

In the past several days, I have really tried to focus on the positives in life. There are so many small beautiful things that it seems so unfair to let them go unnoticed. Today, I found this to be a really hard thing to do. I woke up telling myself that today was going to be a good day, and that I would work on finding and creating those four positives that I had committed to doing. It just did not seem like this was in the cards for me today.

 

My day started out a little rocky. I wasn’t able to sleep last night after I was shocked by a situation that had occurred earlier in the day…shocked and hurt – not going to sugar coat it. I felt like my feelings had been completely disregarded, which is never a good feeling no matter who is the culprit – a co-worker, a friend, a family member, or just an acquaintance. It hurts all the same. I felt as though this person absolutely disregarded any effects their actions may have had on me.

 

Despite this, I was determined that I was going to try and make the best of my day…that’s what I had decided to do – make the best out of every day. The day was filled with these little reminders of this situation that had hurt so much. Someone else would make a comment about something and it would bring it right back up to the surface. Someone was frustrated with something I was doing to try and help them, and the situation was once again brought back to the forefront of my mind.

 

I continued to try creating these four positives. I couldn’t. How terrible is this of me? I couldn’t do it. I tried really hard, but I just couldn’t. It seemed like one of those days that all of the little things were going to go wrong. And they were.

 

Now, after stewing over this situation that had occurred earlier, I realized one very positive thing – I have the power to change this situation. I do not have to let this add to the negatives that are going to naturally occur.

 

I’m not the best person in the world and I have more flaws than most, but you know what? I deserve the best for me. I deserve to find things that make me happy and things that make me smile. I do not deserve to feel like I’m not important and I am just “on the back burner”. I do not need this in my life, and I cannot tolerate it any more. It’s a sad thing, but it is something that I have to do. I need to do this in order to start my journey to finding the “new me”.

 

So, I came home and I did some things for me. I created some positives even when I didn't think it was possible. I put on my favorite pair of sweatpants - yeah, that felt pretty damn good. I opened a bottle of wine, and I had no intentions of sharing. That felt pretty damn good. I read the book I have been working on. I napped - which I don't frequently get to do. And I decided, I am worth way more than what the situation which occured made me feel. I will never let anyone make me feel this way again. So, even though I tried so hard all day to create four positives, and didn't think it was possible, I eventually did it. And, not only did I do it, I think I found the best positive there was to find out of this situation. I found the empowerment I knew was hiding somewhere deep inside to say, "Hey, this isn't right. I shouldn't be treated this way."

 

I think my mom would be proud.