After an interesting week, I was able to do something that I truly enjoy, and it really gave me a comfort; peace of mind. I’m so thankful for the experience. It was actually quite a moving experience, and I thought I would share it; and share the message to do the things you enjoy and take the time to smile, because these things will block out the negative trying to break its way in.
Just some background information, I love music. I love to listen to music. I love to create music. I especially love to sing. Music has always been something that soothes me and brings me to a special place. It’s like it’s a place just for me; a happy place. It is a place where I do not have to worry about everything going on around me – there’s just music and the emotion it creates within me. I thank my mom and dad for this. They always encouraged participation in choir and band. They cheered me on when I entered competitions. They put up with the awkward sounds of a student learning to play a new instrument. They did not complain when I was singing in the car (or my room, or the shower, or every other room in the house).
Now….my brother was another story. He used to always ask, “Who sings this song?” and when I would answer with the artist, he would say, “Well, let’s keep it that way.” He was always complaining about the singing. He told me numerous times I sucked and wasn’t good at it. Back in the old days, I took it too seriously. Now I know it was just my brother being my brother, but back then I did not really realize that. Then, there were a couple of “dumb boys” growing up that said some of the same things my brother did. These statements left me self-conscious of my ability and for many years after this, I only did it in private. I would only sing in my car and occasionally in my shower. I oppressed the one thing that made me the happiest.
It was about 5 years ago when someone kind of “coerced” me into singing in front of everyone. They signed me up to sing a song during karaoke. I was mortified, but I got up there and sang, and it felt good. Best of all, no one booed me. Phew. That was a huge relief. And it opened a door. I found my suppressed passion for singing. This passion was greatly increased about 18 months ago when a good friend started hosting karaoke each week at a favorite local pub. She encouraged me to try new things. I found myself looking forward to this each week. It was my release. I could pick the songs that best fit what was going on and what would make me feel better. This was a great therapy for about 6 months. Then my life was turned upside down and I stopped participating. I lost my passion.
Last night, I went to karaoke. It was a small, small town tavern; my favorite karaoke environment. The establishment was busy. There was a lot of noise – a lot of people interested in singing. Perfect night and setting for karaoke. I had to wait about 25 minutes for my turn. But I got up there. It was one of my favorite songs to sing. A song by an artist that my dad really liked, and introduced to me; a song that makes me feel. I got that feeling in my stomach that I always got…kind of jittery, butterflies flying around. The music started, however, and that all went away. I started singing, and, all of a sudden, the bar went completely quiet. I thought I was sucking it up. I thought the microphone was squealing. Moments ago, the bar was filled with noisy patrons yelling, laughing, and talking over each other. Now it was quiet. I just kept going. Pretty soon, there were people singing along; people dancing. At the end of the song, there were yells, cheers, and people trying to give high fives. That’s when I realized, that moment of silence was all of those people enjoying what I was enjoying – the music and the emotion that I was putting into the music.
I think that five seconds of silence was the best feeling I’ve felt in a while. It was five seconds of me connecting with my soul, connecting with my mom, connecting with my dad, connecting with all of the emotion in my heart, and connecting with a room full of strangers. I need that 5 seconds more often. It really made me put all of the negative away in a compartment that I still haven’t found more than 24 hours later. The silence gave me the connection I needed at that moment – with my mom and my family and me.
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