Wisdom From the Calendar

I had an unbelievable day today. Seriously, I don't even know how days like this find their way to me. I struggled through several emotional situations and struggled with many hard questions and inability to understand. I struggled through realizing people are not who I think they are. I struggled with many things today. Then, I found a new perspective. From the last place I would have expected.

Panic Attack vs. A Great Man
There it was. The familiar tightness in my chest. My heart was beating so fast I couldn't keep up the count. The faint feeling. The feeling like I wasn't able to control it; control anything. It crept right up on me, just like they usually do. I didn't see it coming. It was caused by a ridiculous thing, by ridiculous people. Even knowing this fact, I still couldn't stop in.

Then, right in the middle of all the craziness, my world spinning; I called him. He talked to me. He listened. He didn't judge. He calmed me down, and the panic attack went away. A great man helped me see that this feeling of panic, loss of control wasn't worth it. I could pull myself out of it. He was there to help if I needed it. Just now, after finding this new perspective, I realize just how lucky I am to have him in my life. Someone I can count on. Someone I can call if I start to get that familiar feeling in my chest, or when my heart starts beating faster and faster.

Thus, new perspective #1: Even though there are things beyond my control, there are also things within my control. These things are usually much more important than those that are beyond my control. I know I can enjoy my time with this great man, and just breathe.

Losing Trust, Thus Finding a Simple Joy
As much as I thought I could trust this person, something simple and small made me realize I cannot. That things are not what I thought they were. This made my heart drop and made me feel like there was no one I could trust. I just don't really undertstand people. You can do everything for them, and then they end up throwing a monkey wrench at you. Yuck. People just tend to stink now-a-days.

I was driving, and I found myself turning to go in the opposite direction I was suppose to. I was going to a familiar place. I was finding my way to the campus of the College of St. Catherine. I can always find peace there. So, there I sat, in front of the chapel in the snowy cold and out of no where I feel a surge of warmth. I could feel the strength of familiarity, a bond with this place, and the love of those with me, even if they weren't there physically. I found a simple joy in just giving myself that fifteen minute pleasure of sitting and finding these things. Of sitting and doing nothing.

Thus, new perspective #2: Trust in myself above all others. I have lived my life as the caregiver of others for too long. I am going to take more moments, more minutes for myself. And most importantly, I need to not be so trusting in others. I usually end up being hurt.

Harsh Words Followed by A Simple Compliment
For so long I have become accomstomed to doing without thanks. It can really become draining. It's hard to try and be all that you can be when there is no thank you. There is no small tokens of appreciation. Then, there are the harsh words spoken, and the mean thoughts thought. Things to try and break my spirit.

Out of the blue, a small, simple compliment came my way. This compliment meant the world to me right at that moment. It made me smile. Made me feel happy. Made me feel like I was worth something. Made me feel like I wanted to get up tomorrow and do the very best that I could. All from something so little, yet, so meaningful.

Thus, new perspective #3: One needs to be appreciated in order to be happy. I haven't felt appreciated. That's over with. I am going to spend more time surrounding myself with positive energy and positiveness, period. No more negativity. More appreciation. Out of this appreciate comes a mutual respect. Loss of this appreciation equates loss of respect. I will associate myself with those that I respect.

A Calendar That's Smarter Than I...
So, where are these new perspectives coming from, do you ask? From the least expected place. A calendar. One of those silly page a day calendars. The title of this calendar is "For Women Who Do Too Much". HA! That says it all. I came home from work today, after this emotionally draining day, remembering I had purchased new calendars. I joyfully opened it up. After reading the first page, I realized I needed to re-evaluated, re-prioritize, and live happier.

Thanks, Page-A-Day calendar for sharing your wisedom and giving me some new perspectives on life.