So, just for the heck of it, Chad and I were walking through all of Walmart, when all we really needed was hamburger. Now, don’t get me wrong, this isn’t unusual, and it usually ends up being quite entertaining, as it was this evening. We started out walking by the greeter, and made some smart a$$ remark. We continued the ritual with Chad looking for a “good cart” utilizing his “rusty screw” method. Then we walk past the seasonal stuff, the cooking stuff, and then comes the toys. Mind you, we are both grown adults, but we always go through the toy aisles. I had the idea in my head that I wanted Legos. This is idea led to a shocking revelation. Toys now suck.
What the heck? They want me to pay $50 to build a pineapple from under the sea with like 80 legos? I think not! So, I thought the next best thing would have to be Kinex. Um, yeah. Not such a good idea. The price tag said $40 for a small Kinex kit. Then I saw the Lincoln Logs. Heck yes! Lincoln Logs rock! Again, another disappointment -- $30 for Lincoln Logs. I don’t think so. I got frustrated and requested we move out of this aisle and into the next toy aisle. There had to be something better down the next aisle.
Now, this may sound ridiculous, but I have been waiting for the puppy Zhu Zhu pets. Everywhere I go they have outfits and toys and empty spots for the puppy Zhu Zhu pets, but there are none in sight. I approached the Zhu Zhu pet section, my hopes rising, my anticipation building. There were no puppies. The disappointment set in. How can they keep me waiting like this? I just want a darn puppy Zhu Zhu pet. Put the darn things out already people. In the middle of my bout of disappointment I see they have ROCK STAR Zhu Zhu pets; in particular one with a pink Mohawk. Oh yes! That will do until the puppies are available. I searched through the stacks of Rock Star Zhu Zhu pets….and scored one with a pink Mohawk. I got it off the rack. The damn thing did not work. The only Zhu Zhu with a pink Mohawk and it didn’t work. There were no cute sounds coming from it when I pressed its cute nose. Gosh darn it!
My disappointment was slowly fading as we approached the “My Little Pony” section just a little further up the aisle. I love My Little Pony. Life would soon be better, and my faith in toys would be renewed! Yeah, that did not happen. They now make My Little Pony look like My Little Seahorses. They have the most ridiculous faces I’ve ever seen. Again, I don’t think so. You can keep you’re my Little Seahorses, Walmart. What else would be left for me?
A creepy baby is what’s left. Every time we walk by this creepy motion activated baby, it crawls and says something creepy and cryptic. It scares the living bejeebers out of me each time we go by it. Kids shouldn’t play with babies like that.
That’s when I realized, toys really do kind of suck now. I wish I would have played more with the great toys we had when I was a kid. We had good toys. They didn’t creep me out, cost an arm and a leg, or break before you even get it home. They were fun and reliable. I wish I would have kept some of those things. I wouldn’t be contemplating spending $60 on a small, basic Lego set. Darn toys….
The trip to Walmart wasn’t a complete wash. We got our hamburger (and tons of other good stuff) and my trip was saved by finding some pretty kick butt shirts on clearance for like $3, but I didn’t get any toys….
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